This past weekend we went up to Truckee (in the Sierras, near Tahoe) to spend time with two other married couples at a cabin, nestled quaintly in the snow. (Lots of snow!) It was nice to get away, experience fresh mountain air, and enjoy good conversation with friends. Two of us are expecting our first child. There were several times when I felt badly talking “baby talk” so much with the other mom-to-be (Kristi). It’s amazing how when you get two pregnant women together, that becomes the natural topic of conversation! But, trust me, I tried really, extra hard to be sensitive to the non-pregnant wife and talk about many non-baby things too. Especially when I caught her rolling her eyes whenever the subject of child-rearing, breast feeding, or how-to-decorate-the-nursery would come up.
It didn’t help matters that I brought the book Babywise along with me, thinking I might get a few moments to read it. Kristi had heard about it and was strongly opposed to any idea of scheduling. (Most of her opinions were based on what other young mothers had flippantly said about the book. And, trust me, I know how heated – and defensive – young mothers can be about how they’ve chosen to feed their babies, raise their children, etc.) By the end of Friday evening, however, I convinced Kristi to at least read the book. I told her that if she reads it and still disagrees with it, then she can at least disagree in an educated manner. I also convinced her that, even if she disagrees with 95% of it, there will still probably be a few concepts in there that she does agree with and she’ll be better off learning about them. By the end of the weekend, Kristi had read the entire book and said that she, surprisingly, agreed with nearly everything the author had to say. I was proud of her. Honestly, I can respect someone who disagrees with something as long as they’ve read what the other side has to say and know “for sure” that they disagree. But when someone disagrees with something based on what they think the other side has to say . . . I have a hard time respecting that.
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This post about our Tahoe weekend just wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t include the story of our new glass bowl (or is it a vase?). On Saturday we went to Old Town Truckee to look at some of the specialty gift and antique shops. Although I periodically enjoy browsing through these shops, I’ve never bought anything at one of them. This is partially because I’ve never felt I could afford anything in those shops. But on Saturday, as Kevin and I were browsing through the merchandise at one of the shops, we became captivated by this large, cream-colored glass bowl that stood tall on several wispy, fragile-looking legs. “Isn’t that cool,” said Kevin. “That is so cool,” I replied. Feeling very spontaneous, we asked the saleslady how much it was, expecting it to be $999.95 or some other ridiculous amount. We were shocked that it was much, much less. On a total whim, we bought that stupid, artsy, beautiful, wonderful vase. Even though it wasn’t expensive, it also wasn’t cheap. In fact, I think it’s the most expensive spontaneous, non-useful item we’ve ever purchased!! (Shouldn’t we be thinking about buying baby furniture?!)
Several days later . . . I think we’re still trying to recover from the shock that we actually purchased it. Several times we’ve looked at each other and said, “Can you believe we bought that?!” (I’ve tried repeatedly to justify it by telling Kevin that it can be an early birthday present for me . . . or that we’ll eat out less for the next five years of our marriage . . . or . . . ?)
Anyway . . . Now it sits beautifully on top of our dining room table. (If I get a chance to take a picture, I’ll post it.) I’m sure that, years from now, we’ll laugh over this experience . . . especially when we have a defiant two-year-old who crawls on top of the table and breaks it.
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3 comments:
Of course being emphatically right sight-unseen is an illogical position to sustain, but it is SO convenient to fall back on sometime. However, Michael has talked me out of a lot of these staunch death stands, like when he wanted to take me to a sushi joint before we were married. 'Let's go somewhere else. I hate sushi.' 'Have you ever tried it?' 'No, but I don't need to. I know I hate it. Ick!' And now, of course, having tried it, I like (some) sushi.
~Rose
T.G.,
I’ve also come across your blog a few times. Thanks for the info on Babywise. I can appreciate your perspective and understand there’s a lot of disagreement among moms in this area – some hate it, some swear by it. There are a few reasons why I think (not having had children yet) that I will apply the principles in Babywise:
1) All of the people I know who use it have peaceful homes and great marriages. In other words, they don’t have chaotic, child-centered homes. (That’s a big selling point for me.)
2) I understand that the second edition of Babywise (the one that I have) has been modified to address some previous problems. (e.g., The book NOW overemphasizes that you don’t have to be completely rigid in your scheduling, it applies only to healthy babies, and you must use commonsense too.) Interestingly, my friend who was prejudiced against the book, but ended up reading it anyway and agreeing with it, said that the common complaints she heard about the book were addressed in the book and she felt like the people complaining were doing the exact opposite of what the book suggested . . . and THAT’S why they were experiencing problems and frustrations.
Having said that, I plan to read lots of material on the subject and, if I encounter problems with nursing, I’m sure I'll try anything that works. I understand that every child is different and you can get into problems with formulized, standardized implementations. But I also know that there are good principles that can be applied to help maintain my sanity, my life, and peace in our home. So, for that reason alone, I think I’ll give Babywise a chance.
Anyway . . . Thanks, again, for caring enough to give your opinion. :-)
Amy
The Babywise discussion reminds me of a few things I wanted to post on my own blog, so I'll spare you the overloaded comments section and just post a few specific things here. ;-)
I don't have really strong feelings on Babywise one way or the other--I think problems arise only when people just look at (whatever) book and don't also look at their child. Babies do benefit greatly from stability and order, but it has to be order that accommodates their needs--and those vary from baby to baby and from day to day. No book can possibly prepare you for the variations you'll encounter.
For instance, D1 would have been a perfect Babywise model for her first few months--she ate every three hours from the first, took three naps a day, and started sleeping through the night by eight weeks. But at seven months, when most babies are ready for longer naps and longer spells between eating, she still needs to eat every three hours and take three naps. I think she just doesn't have the reserves to go longer yet because she's so thin. She still has structure and order in her day--but it's structure based on her needs.
As far as how long between feedings, the mom's physiology influences that as well. Some women have more production and storage capacity than others, or richer milk--and their babies can generally go longer between feedings.
Heh, this is way too long as it is.
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