Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Church Dating

Over the holidays I read a book that changed my outlook. I must confess, I bought it as a gift for someone, started reading it, and couldn’t put it down. It’s called Stop Dating the Church by Joshua Harris.

"Are you dating the church? We are a generation of consumers, independent and critical. We attend church, but we don't want to settle down and truly invest ourselves. We're not into commitment - we only want to date the church. Is this what God wants for us? Stop Dating the Church reminds us that faith was never meant to be a solo pursuit. The church is the place God grows us, encourages us, and uses us best. Loving Jesus Christ involves a passionate commitment to His church - around the world and down the street. We can't be apathetic. It's time to fall in love with the family of God."

Here's an excerpt:

"Can you spot what I'm calling a church-dater? Here's a quick profile. Do you see one or more characteristics in yourself?

"First, our attitude towards church tends to be me-centered. We go for what we can get - social interaction, programs, or activities. The driving question is 'What can church do for me?'

"A second sign of a church dater is being independent. We go to church because that's what Christians are supposed to do - but we're careful to avoid getting involved too much, especially with people. We don't pay much attention to God's larger purpose for us as a vital part in a specific church family. So we go through the motions without really investing ourselves.

"Most essentially, a church-dater tends to be critical. We are short on allegiance and quick to find fault in our church. We treat church with a consumer mentality - looking for the best product for the price of our Sunday morning. As a result, we're fickle and not invested for the long-term, like a lover with a wandering eye, always on the hunt for something better."

This book was very convicting for me. I don’t think I was a church dater until we moved to Sacramento. We found a good church and then became frustrated by a few things. We stayed, however, because we felt it was still the best option. Looking back, I wish I’d been less critical and had spent more time and energy serving and being involved wholeheartedly. I think that would have been the God-honoring thing to do. And I think it would have reaped other rewards too … such as blessing others more and benefiting myself.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book. Every page was packed with insights and messages to challenge me.

6 comments:

Rachelle said...

I have really struggled with this throughout my life. Especially the part about not getting involved with people.

I recently read that 42% of Americans call themselves "born again Christians" while just 24% of Americans attend church. The problem with church-dating is that just like people, churches aren't perfect. And for the independent-minded American, it is too easy to decide you don't need church to be a Christian. The reasons are complex, but I think spiritual arrogance is foremost. And very very dangerous.

Janice Phillips said...

Are you the one I loaned that book? I can't find my copy and can't remember to whom I lent it. Either way, I'm glad you liked it so much. I did, too!

Jen said...

Excellent post Amy! Very thought provoking!

Danielle said...

I too read this book and highly recommend it! I also was convicted, not so much about church "dating" but in regards to how I approach Sunday morning. Harris has a chapter on making Sunday special and combined with reading another great book called "Mudhouse Sabbath" by Lauren Winner, I decided I needed to approach Sundays differently. I needed to approach Sunday has holy, not through leglism, but love towards God and obedience to Him. If anyone's interested you can check out my thoughts on this matter in a post called "What's Holy About Sunday" here:
http://dancebythemoon.blogspot.com/2005_08_01_dancebythemoon_archive.html

Thanks for your thoughts on this Amy. By the way, Josh Harris has a pretty interesting blog:
http://joshharrisblogson.blogspot.com/

Danielle said...

Ok, I can't spell, that's "I needed to approach Sunday AS holy, not through LEGALISM . . . "

Amy K said...

Thanks for the links Danielle!

Also, thanks for your thoughts on making Sunday special. This is something Kevin has always been good about - encouraging me not to shop or do other commercial transactions, etc. on Sundays ... making it a day set apart. It's definitely made Sundays more meaningful. Like you say, it's not because we're bound by the law to do these things but because it's something we can do to honor God and fully REST.